Homicide: Life on the Street (Or Life in the Loft) by Annabelle Leigh Jim glanced over at his partner for what must have been the hundredth time that day. The shoulders were still drooping. The eyes were still lowered. The loft remained unnaturally quiet. Finally, he had to ask, "Chief, what's up with you, huh?" Blair shook his head. "Nothing, man." "Come on, buddy. It's clearly not nothing," Jim said, using his patient voice. Well, actually, it was Blair's patient voice. He'd just learned to imitate it. "You'll just think it's stupid," Blair said. "No, I won't." "Yes, you will." He sighed. "Chief." "Okay, okay. I watched that Homicide movie last night, and it really bummed me out." "Oh." "See? Stupid." "I didn't say that. I just can't relate, that's all. I only ever caught the show a few times. So I don't really know the characters or anything. You know how I feel about cop shows, anyway." "Yeah. Too real, and yet not accurate enough." "Yeah. So what bugged you so much about the movie?" "My favorite character, Bayliss--" "He's the tall, lanky guy who's shirt tail was always hanging out?" "Yeah, that's him. He's the show's heart and soul, really. He was the rookie when he first came on. We got to see him grow up on the job. He's who you identify with. Or at least, I did. And I really hate the way they ended things with him. In the last episode, he's chasing this sicko who tortures and kills women on the Internet. The guy gets off on a technicality, and Bayliss...well, he takes matters into his own hands. You know what I mean?" Jim shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, I do." "He'd been off balance all season long. He was shot last year. He took a bullet for his partner, Frank Pembleton, and then the guy quit the force on him. He's had a lot to deal with." "Sounds like it." "Anyway, so in the movie last night, he was reunited with Frank. These guys were really tight in that cop-partner kind of way. It was so great to see them back together again. I mean, it was *beautiful.* The way they feel about each other, the way they reach out for one another--it just leaped off the screen. The energy between them. Man! You could feel it. It was palpable. There's no question that these two men are something to each other that no one else ever will be." "And what happened? Did one of them buy it?" Blair shook his head. "No, actually, their Lieutenant did. That's why they were all reunited, to solve the case. But what happened between Pembleton and Bayliss was worse than if one of them had died. Bayliss, he really is a *good* person, and his conscience was torturing him about what he'd done. So he confessed to Pembleton, the only one he could bare his soul to, and he asked Frank to absolve him." "And?" "And Frank couldn't. Or wouldn't. He took him in. He fucking *arrested* him, man." "Shit." "Yeah." "And that's what upset you?" "No. I mean, yeah, it did. But that wasn't the part I found unbearable. It fit with Pembleton's character. He's very black and white about right and wrong. He did the only thing he could have done under the circumstances, given who he is. And Tim knew it and wanted him to do it. He threatened to kill himself, otherwise. And I choose to believe that Frank couldn't absolve Tim because he's Catholic and according to their religion, at least as I understand it, only God, via a priest, can grant absolution." "So what *was* your problem then?" "It's what Frank said at the end. It's how he said it and how it made me feel. He was the one who finally solved the case and found the Lieutenant's killer. When someone asked him about it, he said he'd caught several murderers that day. Meaning Tim. And it just sounded like Bayliss was dead to him. Like he'd stopped being his partner or his friend or even Tim. He'd just become one more perp. And it killed me. God, Jim. It just killed me." "Why?" Jim asked, staring intently at his partner. Blair tilted his head, so his hair hung in his face, hiding his expression. "Because they always kind of reminded me of us," he said, quietly. "Really?" Jim asked, leaning in, even more interested. "How so?" "Well, Bayliss was really rather naive and green when he first started. Pembleton wasn't crazy about having him for a partner. He was all closed up, a lone wolf kind of cop. You know, a real hard ass. But after a while, they kind of grew on each other. Pembleton turned Bayliss into a damned good cop. And Tim, well, he helped humanize Frank. No, that's not right. Frank was always human, but he got more of a chance to show it with Tim around. They were just this really special team. Their relationship wasn't some superfluous offshoot of their working together. It was the foundation of it." "And that's how you see us?" Blair nodded. "Yeah. More or less. I mean, we're not exactly like them. But close enough." "I don't think I could take you in, Chief. And you'd never stop being you to me. No matter what you'd done." Blair smiled gently. "Thanks, man. And I'd like to think I wouldn't go off and murder someone, even if they did seem to deserve it." "That's good to hear, I've got to tell you." "You weren't worried were you?" "Even a pacifist can snap, you know." "I'll try to keep my head." "I'm going to hold you to it." Blair laughed. "Hey, man, thanks for cheering me up. I mean, I know it might seem silly, but it got to me, you know?" Jim nodded. "Yeah. That's what makes a show good, when you can care about the characters like that." He grinned. "But I can't believe you really thought those guys were like us." "No?" Jim shook his head. "I was never a hard ass." Blair rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. And there's no unspoken longing between us either." Jim stared at him. "What the hell did you just say?" Blair froze, and then he blanched. "Uh. That there is no unspoken longing between us. None whatsoever." "Bullshit! Now, tell me what you really meant." "Shit!" "Spill it," Jim demanded. Blair shook his head. "Nothing, man. Okay? I'm just upset about my TV show, babbling on like an idiot. You know me. I get overwrought and say stupid things. All right? Let's just drop it, okay?" "No. Not okay." He swallowed hard. "How long have you known?" Blair stared down at the floor. "Always." "Shit!" Jim's heart started to race, panic setting in. "You could have said something." "I didn't want to make it any more awkward than it had to be. It was just easier to keep it to myself." "I feel so stupid." "Imagine how I feel. I'm really sorry, man. You don't know how much. I'm sorry that I stepped over the line. And I'm sorry I wasn't honest. If you want me to move out, I'll understand. I mean, it must be weird for you, knowing how I feel." "*What*? What do you mean how *you* feel?" "You know. That I-- Wait. What you do mean what do I mean?" Jim suddenly flushed and stuttered, "Well, Chief-- " He stopped suddenly. "Hey, what do *you* mean what do *I* mean?" They stared at each other, bewildered, until a matched set of light bulbs finally went on. "Oh!" they both said, in unison. And then they smiled, really *huge* smiles. THE END